Dear men of the world,
I don’t care about multiple orgasms.
I don’t care about going all night.
I don’t care how big your dick is.
And I don’t really care about your abs.
I don’t care how good you are at oral sex.
Or that you can go down on me for hours.
Or that your tongue can do weird shit.
(And frankly when you show me that thing you can do with your tongue thinking it’s going to impress me, it creeps me out.)
I don’t care about any of this when I barely know you!
It’s not going to sell me your charms.
I don’t care about sexual performances that, to be honest, sound exhausting.
And I don’t care about individual body parts.
I am not a man.
I am a woman.
The way to get inside of me isn’t through your body.
It’s through my mind.
What do I care about?
I care about how safe I feel around you.
I care about whether you are kind and smart and funny and compassionate.
I care about whether you have the qualities that would make you a good partner for life – and this is true whether I want to get married or have a one night stand.
I care about the sum of your parts – all of them, those inside often more than out.
And when I am ready to have sex with you, I care about you listening to me and understanding my body.
I care that if I’m good with one orgasm, you’re not going to try to force me to have another, or insist that I squirt, or get yourself hard again so that we can keep going because that’s what you saw in a porn video and what you think all women want and what your ego demands.
I care that if I’m good with 10 or 20 minutes, and you’re done too, you’ll respect that.
I care that if it hurts and I tell you it hurts, you will stop.
Men of the world, I need to trust you.
And this is why I care about you taking the time to get to know me.
I want to be courted, and dated and wooed
Because when you do these things, it makes me feel appreciated and understood.
And it makes me feel like someone who won’t be discarded.
Because what you don’t understand is women get discarded for sex all the time.
Women get shamed for sex, women get ostracized for sex, and in some parts of the world women get killed for sex.
Sex can change a woman’s life forever.
This is our legacy.
A legacy, you don’t carry.
Yes, I care about sex.
I care about sex a lot!
I fantasize about you just as much as you fantasize about me.
But please stop shooting yourself in the foot by rushing it.
And please stop talking about your sexual prowess when we only met one hour or one day or one week ago.
I don’t care.
Get to know me first.
And let me get to know you.
Because, you are more than a body part
And you are more than a performance.
You are a whole sum of delicious manly goodness.
You are wise and you are strong and you are creative and you get shit done.
I like this about you.
I like it a lot.
But I can’t see it when you keep shoving your hypothetical dick in my face.
So show me your character first.
And surprise me with sexual prowess later
and I’ll be yours forever.
The women of the world